What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

Note : Dear someone, do you still remember, it was February, this is the song that you loved so much. and you introduce this song to me. and since the moment i heard it, i've been loving this song so much. besides, this song really suits my condition now. I have so many things to tell you, but it's too late, you've walked away from me. this unspoken truth hurts so bad. i miss you. :'(

November ♥

wow.
it's November now.
in a blink of eye, it'll be December and soon it's 2011.
wow, that's so damn fast.

well, beginning of November isn't my favorite, I should tell.
many things have happened.
truth be told i am really disappointed and broken.
i should say that it's been a hard time.
really really hard time.
i wish i could rise again.
i wish i could find the spirit to move on and be okay.
i wish i could keep all those memories away and look forward.
i wish i could tell you sth but i can't. not anymore. it's too late.
and. even though it's hard. i truly wish all the best for you.
stay happy, because i love it when you smile.
and, i'm gonna miss you.
it's not like we're being separated by distance.
it's just. i'm gonna miss the past 'you'. moments with 'you'. the one who always make me smile.
i just need some time alone right now.
to calm my mind.
to throw away this feeling, so one day i can be back to the way i used to be.
the one who always smile for you and that time, it won't be a fake smile.
the tears i've shed, no matter how much, still haven't totally reduce the pain i feel here deep down inside.
just like what ppl always said, "let the time heals"
yea, i guess, i have to agree with that one.
it's hard for me. but i don't want to burden you with my pain.
i hope i can do it well.
so, i guess it's goodbye for now.
nobody knows what the future brings, anw.
so, i'm just hoping whatever comes up in the future, it'll be the best for me. for you. for us.

i never thought it'll ended up this way actually. i didn't have a clue at all.
but life's life.
nothing's predictable.
few seconds ago it was so beautiful and wonderful, and the next second you found yourself crying out loud.
i don't know what i'm going to do or how i'm gonna be okay.
but i have to.
i have ppl who loves me and whom i love supporting me.
thank you so much my family's always been there for me.
thank you so much my besties. i don't know how miserable i would be without you guys.

Dear God, give me strength.
I really need tons of strength right now.

hmm. enough with the mellow part.
well, November's still a long way to go (is it?)
so, i believe that better days are coming for me, and i'm ready to face it. AMEN!! :) *knock on sth wood 3 times* --> I'll always remember this knocking thingy you taught me.

P.S. : i'm so happy to know you. i'm so grateful for all those beautiful memories we've shared together. i'm gonna miss you.so much. :')

Broken Vow

Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
While I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

Chorus

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

Chorus

P.S: this song is kinda sad, but the melody's great,, :D

Unexpected. Unintended. Unknown

hmm,,
i don't know how but it just came,,
it's unexpected,,
yes, feeling this way towards you, is unexpected, and unintended,,
i don't know how and when did it happen..
you just started to fill my mind day by day,, til today,,
truth be told,,
i must admit,, since you came,,
you've been filling my days with smile, laughter, tears, and so much more feeling all blended in one,,

is this love?
i must say i'm not really sure bout it,,
LOVE is kinda a strong word, you know,,
but all i know now is that,,
yes, i care for you,,
yes, whenever you're sad i really want to comfort you and help you get through it all,,
yes, you crosses my mind all the time,,
yes, i always miss you whenever you're not around,,
yes, i feel comfortable whenever i'm with you,,
yes, i like you,,
*BLUSH* can't believe i've just typed that out,, LOL

well,so,, is it love? or is it crush? if this feeling i'm feeling is truly a crush,, i bet it's a huge one,, XD
you want to know some funny facts about this?
well at first, when i know you,,
i never thought this feeling will come,,
and now when i think about it all over again,,
how could it be you?
how can i feel the way i feel for you??
how could this happen?
when is it?
well there are so much more questions and mysterious things spinning inside my head,,
well, that's just sth we can't answer, right?
cause it's unexpected,,
and what i can say is that i'm really happy, grateful, thankful, and lucky to know "YOU",,

at first,, you seemed so certain,, and i'm the one feeling uncertain,,
til you made me feel certain til now,, but i don't know bout your feeling,,
it's unknown,,
sometimes i wonder,,
"am i getting the wrong meaning of everything you've done for me? for how you've been treating me?"
how stressful is that?
but like what people always said,, "let it flow"
and i am,,,
because we never know what the future brings, right?

eventhough i must admit that you're not the same anymore,,
you're not the way you used to anymore,,
we didn't chat as often as we used to,,
we didn't say sth like "i miss you" and whatsoever anymore,,
we didn't call each other's nicknames anm,,
we didn't spend times as often as we used to anm,,
we didn't share stories and opinions as much as we used to anm,,
truth be told, i miss all those moments,, =(
i still remember how you came to my house with that yummy thing that just surprised me,, thankyouthankyouthankyou,, that event made my day! =D *hell yeah, i love surprises* X)
and i still remember how shocked i am that there's someone waiting inside your car at that moment,,
i still remember that picture you showed me,, even it's just sth that crossed your mind, but surely it makes me smile,,,
i still remember how you taught me lots of things,, which some of em have become my habits,,
and hey, i still remember that you promised me sth,, but you'll tell me what was it when the time's right, won't you? *haha*
and so so much more things,,
oh, really,, i miss them all,, =(
wonder if you do? @.@

but how am i supposed to clarify that?
who am i to say all those things,,?? *haeh*


ppl keep telling me to get you out of my head,,
but it's like quoted in a song,,
"cause i've tried and tried to walk away,, but i know this crush ain't going awayyyyy,,"
and all these times,, it's like i'm playing Colbie Caillat's Falling For You over and over again,,
hehe,,

and seems like recently you're not having good mood,,
hope things will be better for you soon,,
amen,, *knockonsthwoodthreetimes*

well, enough blabbering,,
at least i feel relieved a bit,,
ah, having show later on,, hope everything's gonna be fine,,
better off to bed,, goodnight,, and goodnight to you,, =)

Memories

hmm,,
it's been a while..
can't believe how time flies so fast..
it's October now..

atm, I'm sitting alone..
truth be told I don't even know what I'm gonna type. =.="
It's just,,
I kinda really need a place to talk, need someone to talk to, which I don't,,
so I ended typing these stuffs.. haahaa..

well, talking bout time,,
as I've always said,, time flies so fast,,
recently,, those memories keep coming back,,
all those beautiful, happy, thrilling, touching, sad, heartbreaking memories..
it made me smile and cry at the same time, tho..
I miss those moments,,
but I'd like to make sure one thing,,
no matter how much I want to go back,,
I never regret any of it..
I'm thankful it happened,,
even nobody wants it to end that way,,
but still,,
life goes on, right?
what's the point of looking back at stuffs you can't fix anymore,,?
you just have to stay strong, look ahead,, it doesn't mean you throw away all those memories, tho,,
it's just,, we can't live in the past forever,,
as usual, it's easier said than done,,
it was hard for me too at first,,
but somehow I managed to get through it.. thank God,, =)
and I know the road ahead might not be easy,,
I'm just hoping I'll be strong enough to face it,,

Amen.
*knock on something wood 3times*

P.S: that knockknock thingy,, I learned it from someone,, it's something we always did (hmm,, do?),,and somehow it's been my habit since then,, well, I wonder if you still remember,,? =)