and I thought that I'm okay now..
I thought the pain has reduced and I thought I'm really strong enough to move on.
But you know what??
Maybe that's only a thought of mine..
Because when we met..
and talked..
It hurt so bad deep down here.
I showed my smile and laughter like I used to..
but at the same time it hurt so bad deep down here.
and the moment i felt that pain..
i realize..
who am i fooling all this time?
i miss you so damn bad.
really really miss you that it still hurts to see you.
what should i do?
why the pain ain't go away?
why?
I back off. i stayed away from you.
why does it still hurt?
why do I still miss you??
why there's still a piece of me still holding on to you?
why do you have to treat me like the way you treated me back then?
why do i have to feel happy and hurt at the same time the moment you talked to me, the moment you hold me, the moment you treat me like it was back then?
why why and why??
and at that moment, a question popped out in my mind..
"Lenn, what would you do if everything could be back like the way it was before?"
I don't know what the answer to this question.
really.
i don't want to be such a hypocrite.
deep down i still miss him, i still care for him, I still have feelings for him.
but at the same time, I'm afraid that he will hurt me again.
what should i do??
i really don't know.
one side of me telling me not to believe or give any chance no more..
but another side of me telling me, hey! go for it!! if it's meant to be, you just have to deal with it right?
i don't know.
i really don't know.
i'm afraid.
i'm confused.
can anybody show me the answer??
dear God, show me the way, please...
i'm so darn confused.
I don't know what should i do.
how should i treat him?
please. show me the answer. give me strength to deal with all of this chaos.
give me patience. give me clearance to all of this.
