and I thought that I'm okay now..
I thought the pain has reduced and I thought I'm really strong enough to move on.
But you know what??
Maybe that's only a thought of mine..
Because when we met..
and talked..
It hurt so bad deep down here.
I showed my smile and laughter like I used to..
but at the same time it hurt so bad deep down here.
and the moment i felt that pain..
i realize..
who am i fooling all this time?
i miss you so damn bad.
really really miss you that it still hurts to see you.
what should i do?
why the pain ain't go away?
why?
I back off. i stayed away from you.
why does it still hurt?
why do I still miss you??
why there's still a piece of me still holding on to you?
why do you have to treat me like the way you treated me back then?
why do i have to feel happy and hurt at the same time the moment you talked to me, the moment you hold me, the moment you treat me like it was back then?
why why and why??
and at that moment, a question popped out in my mind..
"Lenn, what would you do if everything could be back like the way it was before?"
I don't know what the answer to this question.
really.
i don't want to be such a hypocrite.
deep down i still miss him, i still care for him, I still have feelings for him.
but at the same time, I'm afraid that he will hurt me again.
what should i do??
i really don't know.
one side of me telling me not to believe or give any chance no more..
but another side of me telling me, hey! go for it!! if it's meant to be, you just have to deal with it right?
i don't know.
i really don't know.
i'm afraid.
i'm confused.
can anybody show me the answer??
dear God, show me the way, please...
i'm so darn confused.
I don't know what should i do.
how should i treat him?
please. show me the answer. give me strength to deal with all of this chaos.
give me patience. give me clearance to all of this.
1 comments:
Hi Lenny :)
Been reading your Blog for a while now...
i don't who is "him" and i don't anything about the relation or what happen between both of you...
but from what i can read on your blog, you loved him... and a lot
and it hurts you as much as well...
No words might help you and
These might not be a good advice but i will just say it anyway
I always believe not to hide your feeling
if you hate someone say it,
if you miss someone say it,
if you love someone say it...
we might think what will he/she think when u say it
will he be irritated, will he be angry??
well, u will never know... but i know for sure
if you never say what's deep inside your heart, one day you will be the one to regret it the most...
at least i know that by saying your feeling you are letting it go
and by letting go of your burdens you can move on, you will gain strength...
and i loved the song you shared last time at ur blog
Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most
The answer to your question just might be inside the lyric
"But i know if i could do it over
i would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart
that i left unspoken"
It's a great song, and i thank you for sharing it :)
Well... that's all i could say now
and btw
Happy New Year to you Lenny
May these year Happiness is all around you :)
-S-
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